Latest news with #EddyCavin
The Herald Scotland
04-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Is your boss as stupid as this fella?
In other words, we like laughing at eejits. Though, to be fair and balanced, the following tale might be the result of a slip of the tongue, rather than proof of full-blown eejitery, requiring medical attention. Debbie McCall once had a boss who had mislaid an important file (though he, of course, blamed one of his minions). This chap forced everyone in the office to spend the afternoon searching for the vanished document, though he warned that it wouldn't be an easy task. Or as he put it: 'It's going to be like finding hay in a needle-stack.' Talking balls, again Tennis fan Eddy Cavin is listing the clichés associated with Wimbledon. Here are a few more… There are always shots of the crowd at Henman Hill. (But does anyone even remember who this guy Hill was?) Photos of leading players with their husband / wife / partner, or someone else's husband / wife / partner must be captioned: 'Love Match.' Material witness We're discussing this week's Royal Garden Party at Holyrood Palace. Yesterday we mentioned that the ladies in attendance were dressed in Edwardian-style finery. However, one of our spies at the event informs us that 99 percent of the women were, indeed, dressed in the quaint fashions of yesteryear, though one lady stood out from the pack, for she wore a bright orange jumpsuit…. or perhaps it was a pyjama onesie. And no hat on head, white trainers on feet. 'Scandalous!' gasps our witness to this desecration of all that is holy. 'She couldn't have looked more out of place if she'd brought a skateboard.' Write off IN the days when good penmanship was coveted, a colleague of reader Martha Clarke glanced at something she had written. 'Your writing is impeccable,' said this chap. Martha couldn't help beaming with pride, until the colleague corrected himself. 'Sorry,' he said, 'I meant to say impenetrable.' Count on him A barista in a Glasgow café was overheard, by reader Sam Ross, announcing to a colleague: 'I'm good at maths. I can do 13 plus 1.' 'Though he never actually proved his genius by revealing the answer,' notes our sceptical correspondent. Gotcha! Hunting expert Colin Mackie notes: 'Capturing Bigfoot would be no small feat.'
The Herald Scotland
03-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Careful, there may be a painful secret behind this door
We jest, of course. It wasn't a pasty-'n'-pop scoffathon. Instead, the garrulous garden nosherati tucked into dinky sandwiches and cakes, plus tea and apple juice. And everyone was dressed to impress. Chaps in smart suits; ladies in pretty Edwardian-style summer dresses, with hats as tall and textured as the Manhattan skyline. (Can you tell that the Diary is auditioning for a gig with Paris Vogue?) Yup, men were dashing, women were dazzling… until they left the party. For our spies inform us that two lady partygoers were spotted awaiting their homeward-bound carriage at Waverley Station. Still wearing pretty Edwardian-style summer dresses. Still in those tall, textured hats. But one lady was now barefoot, while the other had changed into a pair of comfy bedroom slippers. Clearly it had been a VERY long day… Home sweet home On the subject of Waverley Station. A Tannoy announcement was heard on the concourse, warning people not to feed the pigeons. The announcer explained that this was to encourage the birds to find 'a better home'. But what could be more ideal than Waverley Station, wonders the Diary? For it has a café, if the pigeons desire a coffee perk-up plus seed cake. There's also a newsagent where the birds can buy a copy of The Herald, thus keeping up to date with essential Diary exclusives. There's even an M&S, if the pigeons want to purchase fresh Y-Fronts. Come to think of it, maybe the feathered residents should vamoose… and let the rest of us move to Waverley. Talking balls They're whacking yellow, fuzzy hingmies over nets in SW19 again, which inspires Eddy Cavin to provide his favourite Wimbledon clichés. 1. Defeated British players must be described as 'plucky losers'. 2. There must be a reference to Virginia Wade's win 'in Jubilee year'. (The tennis version of 1966.) Candid couture Philosophical thought from reader Lisa Scott: 'Three things that always tell the truth… Small children, drunk people and yoga pants.' Party pooper 'No offence to the Von Trapps,' says reader Chris Robertson. 'But if I go to a swanky party and seven kids start singing about going to bed, I use that time for a toilet break.' Zero effort 'What's a lazy person's favourite exercise?' asks Nicola Munro. 'Diddly squats.'
