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Japan Today
13-06-2025
- Business
- Japan Today
The true cost of marriage in Japan: Who really pays the price?
By Hilary Keyes The overall number of marriages grew slightly in 2024, but Japan's birth rate crisis has only worsened. And yet a survey by the Tokyo Chamber of Commerce and Industry states that young people want to get married and have families. So what gives? Marriage is a deeply complicated subject beyond any romantic or cultural notions of love. In order to understand it better, analyzing the deeper financial, physical and mental costs of marriage is vital. These, in turn, differ dramatically by gender. For the purposes of this article, only heterosexual marriages will be considered, as they are the only form of marriage legally recognized in Japan. The hidden costs of love and money in Japan Short- and long-term financial issues can make or break relationships. Image: anuwat Dangsungnoen/iStock Most people have felt the ongoing cost-of-living crisis impacting their wallets. Staple foods and utilities have gone up, and overall wages have stagnated. Suffice to say, spending on dating is risky, but not spending is also problematic. According to the Japanese Gender Equality Bureau, not providing financially for a partner or paying one's share in a relationship is a form of domestic violence. Being single doesn't imply financial security either. Men in their 20s, according to the 2022 Employment Status Survey by the Japan Statistics Bureau, earn an average annual salary of less than ¥3 million. Given that the Japanese gender wage gap puts women's income at roughly 70% to 80% that of men, more than half of young Japanese women struggle to make ends meet. ...more than half of young Japanese women struggle to make ends meet. Marriage is just as much a financial burden. Marriage is just as much a financial burden. Aside from the average wedding costing around ¥4.15 million according to a article (Japanese), marriage itself involves making major, life-altering financial decisions. Unless both people are earning a commensurate wage, it can be very difficult to determine how to balance spending and saving as a couple. Income and debts, spending versus saving, and long-term financial plans regarding homeownership and retirement — these are all fundamental questions a couple should discuss before marriage is even on the table. Financial instability puts an incredible amount of strain on both people in a relationship and can quickly become a point of contention. 'I earn far less than my wife each month because I'm an English teacher. I've cut back on buying things for myself, but even that doesn't seem to make things easier. We've put off having kids as a result, which I know she's not happy about,' said Steven, a 31-year-old American. The physical price of partnership — especially for women Marriages impact women's physical health more than you'd think. Image: anuwat Dangsungnoen/iStock Marriage — or long-term cohabitation — affects men and women differently in terms of their physical health. It's a well-established fact that in the majority of cultures, women are expected to take care of the home and any children, while men work outside the home. Married men are typically healthier than those who are single, divorced or widowed, according to Harvard Health Publishing. The general consensus of these studies is that married men live longer because their wives keep track of their health and nutrition for them — rather than anything married men do that single men don't. This may also contribute to the statistic that men are more likely to die from 'broken heart syndrome' — a condition that prevents people's hearts from contracting properly according to an NBC News article — despite it being a condition more often found in women. Men suffer worse cardiovascular outcomes when they lose a spouse to divorce or death than women do. Married women, on the other hand, are not better off physically when compared to single women, according to these same studies. The American Psychological Association found that marriage only benefits women's physical health when it comes with a high level of sexual and emotional satisfaction. Findings from the Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging determined that married and single women were virtually identical in terms of overall physical health at any age. Childbirth is another major factor to consider. Pregnancy has a major, lasting impact on women. According to a study conducted by Lancet Global Health, about 40 million women a year experience long-term health complications caused by pregnancy. These include pain during sexual intercourse (affecting 35% of postpartum women), permanent low back pain (32%), anal incontinence (19%), urinary incontinence (8% to 31%) and secondary infertility. This does not take into account the mental and emotional consequences. Numerous studies have also found that women are far more likely to be divorced if they become seriously ill. A study published in the journal Cancer found a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after receiving a diagnosis than a male patient. Women are the least likely to benefit from marriage, no matter where they are in the world 'In sickness and in health, my ass. Men walk out as soon as they learn their wife is sick more often than not. They can't handle it. And if they don't walk out, they cheat and marry someone else as soon as their wife dies or the divorce goes through. It's sick, but I see it so often I'm not surprised anymore,' said Hannah, a 54-year-old Canadian oncology nurse. Mental health and marriage: Who really benefits? Mental health is just as greatly impacted by marriage as physical health. Image: MTStock Studio/iStock Married people are, on the whole, less likely to suffer from depression. One peer-reviewed study by Scimex found that unmarried people have a 79% higher risk of depression than married people. It further concluded that the innate support network of marriage and shared financial resources likely contribute to improved mental health for both spouses. A happy marriage is one that protects both spouses' mental health in direct and indirect ways; however, definitions of what constitutes a happy marriage vary greatly. Divorce is hard, but staying in an unhappy marriage is worse. A Michigan State University study concluded that worsening marital quality contributed to a faster rate of cognitive decline in men, while staying can also lead to increased rates of depression for both spouses. These in turn can cause or exacerbate lifestyle- and stress-related medical conditions. Comparatively, single women are far happier with their lives than married women, single men or married men. They report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationship status, life overall and sex lives, and a lower desire for a partner than anyone else. The harsh bottom line on marriage in Japan: Women still lose out Marriage may seem like a pipe dream in the near future. Image: recep-bg/iStock Communication issues can impact a relationship, but the financial, physical and mental costs can destroy one. Women are the least likely to benefit from marriage, no matter where they are in the world, and that in turn impacts men and childbirth rates as well. Can these costs be balanced in order to make marriage and childbirth worth it? The short answer is: no, they can't. It's impossible to make things equal in society at present. In a decade or two, perhaps — but only if dramatic changes are made. The gender differences in the costs of marriage, if they continue as they are, will always mean one partner loses out. © Japan Today
Japan Today
05-05-2025
- General
- Japan Today
How to break up with your partner in Japanese
By Hilary Keyes Nobody wants to think about ending a relationship, especially at the height of it. Sadly, these things just happen, more often than not. And hey, a break-up, whether it be in English or Japanese or any other language, isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's really to secure yourself and even your ex-partner a new (and hopefully, better) life. You've probably spent a significant amount of time with that partner, and you certainly don't want to hurt their feelings, but you still want to make sure that the message is sent. To help you in the process, we've put together a quick break-up guide with a few typical phrases in Japanese to use once you're ready to end it with someone you have been romantically involved with. (Or, to help you understand what you are being told in case you're the one being dumped.) Japan's Main Break-Up Categories The Go-To Break-Up Soft Break-Up Phrases In-Between Phrases Hard Break-Up Phrases Stay Safe Use A Professional Relationship-Ending Company Japan's Main Break-Up Categories Image: iStock: electravk As in most other cultures, in Japan, there tend to be three different ways of breaking up with someone. Some people choose the soft break-up, the standard 'it's not you, it's me but let's stay friends' approach. Others, who find themselves in relationship limbo, take the neutral 'let's see how they react first' approach. The rest choose the 'screaming insults and selling whatever they gave you on Mercari' approach. If you're going for the first or second one, you may wish to start with a conversation, explaining your reasons. The third requires less explanation and more slang, so jump straight to that section. The Go-To Break-Up The standard, most common and civilized way of ending a relationship in Japanese is by saying: 別れてください (wakarete kudasai; 'Please break-up with me.') Or the more casual '別れよう' (wakareyo), which simply means 'let's break up.' If you want to initiate the conversation, suggesting that there is bad news in the typical 'we need to talk' way, you can approach your partner by saying 私達、話し合った方がいいね (watashitachi, hanashiatta hou ga ii ne; 'We should discuss us.') Or the more simple and direct 話がある (hanashi ga aru; 'I have something to tell you.') Soft Break-Up Phrases Image: iStock: Toru-Sanogawa Use these ones if you really do still care about your soon-to-be ex. Gomenne. Kore ijou otsukiai suru koto ga dekinai. ごめんね。これ以上、お付き合いすることができない。 I'm sorry, I can't date you anymore. Anata no sei jyanai. Watashi no sei. あなたのせいじゃない。私のせい。 It's not your fault, but mine. (Aka. 'It's not you. It's me.') Watashi wa anata ni fusawashikunai to omou. 私はあなたにふさわしくないと思う。 I don't think I'm good enough for you. Anata ni wa motto ii hito ga iru to omou. あなたにはもっといい人がいると思う。 I think there's someone better for you (than me). Ima made arigato. 今までありがとう。 Thank you for the time we've spent together. Tsukiattete tanoshikatta yo. Kedo mou owari ni shiyo! 付き合ってて楽しかったよ。けど、もう終わりにしよう！ Dating you was fun! But let's call it off. Shiawase ni suru koto ga dekinakute gomenne. 幸せにすることができなくてごめんね。 I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. Wakare wa tsurai kedo, kansha shitemo shikirenai yo. 別れは辛いけど、感謝してもしきれないよ。 It's hard to break up and I can't be more grateful (to you for the time we spent together). Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
Japan Today
30-04-2025
- Health
- Japan Today
'Gogatsu-byo': Japan's May sickness & its effect on relationships
By Hilary Keyes With all of the possible upheaval and changes that take place in April, you would think that a month that starts with a week of holidays like May would be a kinder, gentler time. But there is something sinister that may strike at any moment in May: the so-called gogatsu-byo. What Exactly Is Gogatsu-byo? 五月病 (Gogatsu-byo; 'May Sickness') is the term for a seasonal affective disorder-like psychological condition that affects many Japanese people (and directly or indirectly, us foreigners living here) once the flurry of activity in April and the relaxing Golden Week vacation has passed. Gogatsu-byo Symptoms Many believe that the number of changes that take place in April, coupled with vacations and then push back into a still-new work or school environment, causes the gogatsu-byo in the first place. Sufferers report experiencing: Insomnia Decreased or increased appetite Restlessness Nervousness Anxiety Mood swings Depression They experience a host of 'not quite feeling right' physical symptoms that many doctors struggle to diagnose. While this may seem like an unusual condition to those new to Japan, after being here for a few years, you will definitely start to notice that people behave differently in April and June compared to May. The Relationship Turmoil This uniquely Japanese condition can also cause intense turmoil in personal relationships. Looking over my diaries from years past and talking to friends from all walks of life in Japan, two distinct trends concerning relationships have appeared consistently from about May 4th to the first week of June. Here are the two biggest examples: 1. People Seem Standoffish or Overly Sensitive In general, many people are by nature afraid of change and dislike having to adjust to a new schedule. If you come from a country with Daylight Saving Time, you probably remember how drowsy and confused you felt in those first couple of days after changing the clocks. Add that to potential home, career and lifestyle changes that may have taken place in less than a month. Plus, with the haze that everyone feels after a long vacation, you have a recipe for disaster in any group of people. Friends may be less likely to come out for a drink after work; co-workers might be feeling disinclined to work or less helpful than usual, and a host of communication problems and other issues can crop up. Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. So, expect some bad days where normally friendly co-workers suddenly seem aloof, for things not to be ready on time or for deadlines to appear out of nowhere. My friend had a typically stern co-worker burst into tears because they bought the wrong kind of tea for the office. Just this very morning, I watched as a tiny, sweet-faced old woman berated the station staff with some choice words that aren't in most Japanese-English dictionaries. 2. No Relationship Is Safe With all this weirdness in the air, people may find that their romantic relationships are changing too. If you have survived the fine line between sakura and romance last month, you may find that there is a sudden chill in the relationship. It may be last-minute cancellations, fewer text messages or an overall blasé approach to the relationship. Some people even use the month as an excuse to end relationships that are heading nowhere. Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
Japan Today
24-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Japan Today
Finding love at any age in Japan: Advice & insights
By Hilary Keyes We all know that the dating scene changes as we age. So, how does finding love at different decades of our lives play out for foreign women in Japan? Dating In Your 20s Dating In Your 30s Dating In Your 40s Dating At 50 & Beyond Dating In Your 20s Image: iStock: Toru-Sanogawa Dating in your 20s in Japan is a fun, lighthearted experience — for the most part. While the number of people in relationships at this age has been on a steady decline in Japan in recent years, there are still plenty of people out there enjoying casual relationships at least. Most foreign women who have come to Japan in their 20s are fresh out of university and want to enjoy their experience in a different country. Dating isn't about finding a soulmate per se, but meeting new people and seeing if you and life in Japan are a good fit for one another. 'I came to Japan because I wanted to experience something new. I've been to so many exciting places, met tons of people, and I've dated a bit too. Nothing serious, not yet, and the guys I've met are mostly in the same mindset' (Emma, American, 24). The one piece of advice that I would give to anyone dating in Japan in their 20s is to understand yourself first. You're in a new country, things are different, and it's easy to get swept up in that excitement. Don't lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life in the process. Dating In Your 30s Honestly, dating in your 30s is just as much fun as it is in your 20s, although how you go about it is different. This is true no matter where you are in the world, although in Japan it can seem somewhat daunting at first. According to My Navi Women, your 30s are a crossroads. Do you want to get married, have children, focus on your career, change careers, etc.? For many, this means being more settled and taking a more level-headed approach to future relationships/marriage than in their 20s. One major part of dating in your 30s as a foreign woman in Japan is looking for someone who is actually available and not in a situationship, engaged but looking, married, or worst of all, married with children. 'I got out of a long-term relationship recently and started dipping my toe in the dating scene. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but the number of married guys looking for a 'friends with benefits' is shocking' (Lindsey, American, 35). 'At first, I started on Tinder and Bumble, but there are a lot of food pictures and the like instead of people with anything relevant about themselves on their profiles. I joined a few chat groups during the pandemic, and that led to making actual friends, and I've been on a few dates because of that' (Jane, Canadian, 37). The best advice if you're dating in your 30s in Japan comes from a friend of mine. 'Don't be desperate. Being in a relationship, getting married, having kids, those are all good things, but you can't rush into them. You'll regret it if you do' (Alison, Australian, 39). Dating In Your 40s Click here to read more. External Link © Savvy Tokyo
