A stranger told me her son didn't call her anymore, and to enjoy time with my newborn. It set the tone for how I parent.
She said her son didn't call her anymore, and told me to enjoy my time with my baby.
Over 10 years later, I still think about what she said.
I was a brand-new mom and still not used to having a baby. In fact, I was still getting used to taking him out anywhere.
For many months at the beginning of my motherhood journey, our biggest outing was the grocery store. I would keep him in his car seat, carefully place him inside the cart, and then drape a blanket over the top, leaving an opening so that I could still check on him.
Then a stranger said something to me that I still think about to this day.
I had just entered the store with my baby tucked away in the cart when an older woman came over to me in the deli. Without saying anything to me at first, she peered over the blanket to get a good look at my son, who was still very small.
As if almost speaking to herself, she said, "Enjoy it. My son never even calls me now." Then, she just walked away. I remember feeling very taken aback.
When I got home, I called my aunt to tell her about what had happened. She was the person I called for all my new parent questions, like "Is this normal?" or "What should I do?"
She seemed upset about what the woman had said. I got the impression that maybe it had hit a little too close to home for her, as it had for me, since she also had a young son.
As I processed the woman's comment, what I thought the most was that I didn't want to have a son who grew up and never called me. Here I was with a baby who consumed my every waking thought and almost all of my time, but the idea of him growing up and becoming more and more distant from me had been introduced to me.
My son is 11 now, and over a decade later, I still think about this encounter every now and then. It really set the tone for the kind of relationship I wanted to have with my son.
I wasn't going to put any less effort into parenting than I already was, but I wanted that effort to be mindful. I wanted to make sure I was fostering a relationship with him that felt like a place he would want to visit as an adult.
I became so acutely aware that one day he would go off on his own. And that made me really want to be present for all of it, as I saw that every stage of his life was going to be temporary.
I knew that he would only be little for so long. I knew those things would still be there for me when he grew up, but he would not.
While the woman's words initially terrified me, I've grown thankful for the encounter. At the time, my aunt exclaimed that she shouldn't have said that to me and that my son would, of course, call me. But the truth is, neither of us knew that for sure.
I was able to accept so early on in my son's life that I could do my very best as a mom, and he still might grow up to barely talk to me. At my core, I knew there was nothing I could really do to completely prevent that.
To handle that fear, I constantly reassess whether I'm doing a good job. As long as I feel like I am, I know there will be less to regret one day when he's grown.
I realize that my son leaving the nest is the natural order of things and that he should leave me. I want him to have his own life that's separate from me. I just hope he wants to call me every once and a while to tell me all about it.
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Don't take them for granted because in the blink of an eye, they could be gone." —Anonymous, 37, Vancouver, Canada Related: 20."I lost my mom in March after two long years of declining health triggered by a stroke. There are still days where it doesn't feel real, and it crosses my mind to pop into her room to check in or share some juicy work gossip. Driving late at night, alone with my thoughts, always triggers a deep ache and a flood of tears. To people who still have parents (assuming they're the good kind): Cherish the time you have. It's cliché, but incredibly true that it can all go away in an instant. Say what you need to say to one another because tomorrow's never promised. There are so many questions I wish I'd asked and so many things I'll never get to say, and we talked all the time." —Anonymous, 31, Illinois 21."If you have a parent who 'doesn't like to have their picture taken,' remind them that the pictures aren't for them, but for the ones who love them. My father died when I was eight and my sister was five. We only have a handful of photos of him. There is one of him and me together, when I was a newborn. There are none of him with my sister, something that pains her, even 52 years later." —parryboucher 22."I lost my mum three days before Christmas when I was 15 weeks pregnant with my second daughter. I lost my auntie, my second mum, three weeks later. If I wasn't pregnant and didn't have my first child, I don't think I'd be here today. They gave me a reason to get up and get on with life. Some days, time feels like a healer, and other days I just miss them more with each day that passes. Appreciate your parents, take photos with them, make memories, listen to their advice and stories because you never know when it will be the last time you'll hear their voice." —mellowtraveler817 finally, "Hug them. Write down their stories. Regardless of your age when you lose your parents you feel like an orphan. 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