I'm gay – I don't want to be surrounded by children on holiday

Independent

31-05-2025

In a contested year for really bad ideas, this is a howler – or should that be howleur? Because the French have proposed a new law that would mean hotels and restaurants that don't admit children could be prosecuted.
Quelle horreur. France 's high commissioner for childhood, Sarah El Haïry, said that the hospitality industry was showing signs of a 'no-kids trend', and that, she said, was ' violence against children'.
She particularly took aim at adults like me, who object to being disturbed by other people's kids when on holiday. 'A child shouts, laughs and moves,' she said. 'We're institutionalising the idea that silence is a luxury and the absence of children is a luxury.'
Damn right we are – and it's a luxury I won't give up without a fight. Because such a ban on 'adult-only' establishments would be inadvertently homophobic.
It's an overlooked and under-discussed topic, and potentially taboo to say, but whoever proposed this ban hasn't faced the microaggressions that gay people like me face daily – from children.
They can't help it – they're kids. But kids don't have the same filter that fully socialised adults do. And that lack of filter can spoil my holiday, cherished time I take out away from the microaggressions of the everyday straight world.
They're not things like outright hostility or violence; it's the small things that add up to make you feel like you're not welcome. They catapult you back to when you were treated as an outsider, a freak, a 'queer', just for being you.
When I'm affectionate in public with a partner, as everyone should be able to be on holiday – and the French, of all people, should get this – children who haven't witnessed much same-sex affection will often stare. They sometimes point, whisper or giggle.
This is what I mean by a microaggression – and it's one I can do without. You get tired of being someone else's learning curve. That includes staring kids. I don't blame them for doing it. But so many times, in places where kids are allowed, me and my boyfriend (who am I kidding? Holiday romance…) often end up self-censoring to the point we'll refrain from even holding hands.
Recently, I got sick of reigning it in that this year, for the first time, I stayed in a gay-friendly resort in Mexico, the Spartacus Hostel for Men in Puerto Vallarta. It was a revelation. Surrounded only by other gay men, I… exhaled.
I was no longer in a minority. We could be as gay as we liked, without fear of upsetting or confusing conservative families with children. It was hugely liberating.
Under French plans, such places of freedom would be prosecuted. I would avoid France if it instigated such a ban. And we must raise our voices before an idea like this spreads.
It's not just for people like me who want to be gay in peace. My female best friend is happily childless by choice. We both adore adult-only establishments. We live on opposite sides of the world so our quality quiet time together, without the interruption of kids, is important to us. She would resist such a mindless ban, given she gets judged enough for a choice she sees as empowering, when others see it, infuriatingly, as sympathy-inducing.
We love our friends' children, but we need spaces where our own behaviour isn't policed. Where we can swear, flirt, drink cocktails, tell sordid stories without having to live up to 'child friendly' behaviour standards.
There are just a handful of magical 'men-only' hostels and hotels in the world, catering to gay men like me who want to truly relax without worrying, for once, about upsetting anyone's 'innocent' sensibilities.
In addition, there's only a relatively small cohort of adult-only venues worldwide, designed for people who don't hate kids, but simply desire a week or two without them.
According to most recent statistics, France is still the world's most visited country. But it risks kissing goodbye to that top spot if it proceeds with this ill-considered and stigmatising ban. Well… mwah!