Menopause, sex and the joy of being 60: Robyn Malcolm doesn't hold back

1News

2 days ago

As her long career climbs to new exciting peaks, one of New Zealand's favourite actors remains politically fierce, sexually outspoken and determined not to be overlooked by her famously sexist industry. By Gill Higgins
It might be a strange comparison, but I think of Robyn Malcolm like a tornado. Wherever she lands, she kicks up what's in her path and somehow leaves you feeling more alive than before.
And so it was that on a mini break from filming in Perth, she swept me into a whirlwind 24 hours: a dash to Tauranga to speak at a women's business event, then straight to Wellington for dinner with old friends, then on to see her son Pete's band, American Muscle, that same night.
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And while she's at it, she's across her social media. She's the face of a new anti-ageing cream for the vagina (yes, really), she's promoting her latest Netflix series, pushing the relaunch of Outrageous Fortune for its 20th anniversary, and gearing up for the October release of the long-awaited Pike River film. Somewhere in there, the dogs get walked too.
And she's just turned 60.
Robyn Malcom, then and now. (Source: Supplied)
For those of us racing toward that milestone, Malcolm's not just weathering it – she's changing the forecast. 'The ticking over into 60 that I was nervous of because of what it represents – I am so in love with. I love it!'
So naturally, I wanted to know how she's so positive about a period of life that many dread.
Once back in Auckland, exhausted, we head to the home she's had for over a decade. It's an old villa, painted a striking pink to brighten up her street. It's loud, it's a statement, it says 'I'm proud of who I am', just like its owner.
Malcolm's sense of purpose has always been clear. From a young age, acting was everything. At 15, after a clash with a senior staff member at school (she told them to f*** off), she turned to her father, Pete – who happened to be the school principal. His response? It was time to leave and chase her dreams.
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A young robyn Malcolm and her dad, Pete. (Source: Supplied)
It was her dad who told me that story and I could tell he was quietly proud of his stubborn, determined daughter. She moved to Wellington to live with her grandmother and never looked back. A Kiwi star was born.
Malcolm in her first show (that's Michael Hurst). (Source: Supplied)
That determination has never left her. Malcolm has never been afraid to stand up – for herself and for others. She recently marched against the government's Fast-track Approvals Bill. She's protested the atrocities in Palestine. And in 2010, she famously took on the Warner Bros, during the filming of The Hobbit, speaking out for better pay and conditions for local actors.
'I went through hell with that, it was awful. I had death threats and loss of work.'
Young Malcolm was equally outspoken. (Source: Supplied)
So always feisty, but she'd say never more so than now.
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'Since menopause my feminism – which has always had a really healthy spring in its step – is so f***ing rabid now!'
Much of her ire is directed at her own industry. The ageism, the sexism – she says it's relentless and she's felt it especially keenly since going through menopause.
'When I first went through it, I was just sobbing my heart out going, I don't know what's happening.' Her doctor prescribed HRT and antidepressants. But as she looks back now, she wonders 'how much of my feeling shit was about my place in the world and the messages I was being given'?
Malcolm says menopause was a hard time. (Source: Supplied)
She shares the stories with humour, but the undertow is serious. Like the time in her late 40s that she was asked to sign a nudity clause – something she was happy to do - only to be told they'd prefer her to keep her clothes on. Or the roles she lost to women 10 to 15 years younger, despite the fact she was the one who was the same age as the character.
She quotes Amy Schumer 'when you're no longer f***able, suddenly there's less tolerance'.
'It wasn't crushing,' she says, 'but it made me furious.'
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An industry's obsession with youth
She's also frustrated by the effect the industry's obsession with youth has on women. She knows many actors who've spent thousands of dollars chasing it. 'To me, it's almost like an illness, this dissatisfaction with how we look, how we try to be something we're not.'
She feels women waste far too much time and money betraying the very things we should be grateful for.
'Why are we so critical, so mean, so judgemental, so downright vile to our bodies'?
She's been there. But she's done with it.
Malcolm, in the Shortland St era. (Source: Supplied)
These days, she's found a new appreciation for her body, likening it to a car – a solid one, that's carried her for 60 years and is still going strong. 'I'm learning how to handle a slightly older vehicle now. I love that metaphor. Like I've got to go in for a Warrant of Fitness a bit more than I used to.'
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She 'buggered her knee' while filming the 2024 TV series After the Party and her back plays up. 'Because I'll still bend from the hips and lift 30 kg bags of compost out in the garden, you know?' But she celebrates that her vehicle is still on the road. Still doing its job.
It's OK to be a woman and angry
And it's not just an appreciation of her physical self, but her emotional self too'.
'It's fine to be an older, angry, belligerent, passionate, furious woman. It's really fine'.
It was all of this, all these experiences, that inspired her and co-creator (and head writer) Dianne Taylor to create After the Party.
They knew it was a risk. A drama with a lead who was flawed rather than having flawless skin. Who wore trackie bottoms rather than flowing dresses. Who created a mess in the kitchen rather than a perfect pavlova.
'We really dug our heels in; there was a bit of pushback – 'she's not a nice character. People might not like her'.'
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With her partner, Scottish actor Peter Mullan, in After the Party. (Source: Supplied)
Some didn't. Funding was hard to find. It took three years. But the payoff was worth it.
Rave reviews, rewards and nominations rolled in – from France, New Zealand, Scotland and even at the Baftas which are like the British Oscars. It was up against well-funded giants like Shogun and Jodie Foster's True Detective. Shogun won, but it was a wild ride, a little Kiwi show creating quite a storm. And now?
Robyn Malcom and Peter Mullan at the Baftas.
'We're getting serious offers from overseas, we're making something new with people in the UK.' That's all she'd reveal, but she couldn't hide her excitement.
If filming moves to the UK, that would be a bonus – because it's home to Malcolm's long-distance partner, Scottish actor Peter Mullan. They've been together, albeit frequently oceans apart, for 15 years.
'You go, well, I love you, so we'll make it work. It doesn't have to be conventional, and we make sure we put the kids first.' (Malcolm has two, Mullan has four, all of them aged in their late teens and older.) 'I remember my mum saying, 'I like this man he puts his kids ahead of you. And that's what he should do'.'
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Mullan has also been her acting partner, twice. First in Top of the Lake, then in After the Party, where she accuses him of paedophilia on screen. Off-screen, she's far more generous.
'He's a great human being, a phenomenal father. Fierce and politically connected. And one of the greatest actors in the world.'
We can't say enough about sex
So, for Malcolm, unconventional works. Which means it makes perfect sense that while many actors push creams to smooth wrinkles on the face, Malcolm promotes products to revitalise the vagina. She's not shy about it, in fact, quite the opposite.
'Nobody wants to talk about sex, I've never understood why, it's like we just don't want to talk about sex. I figure we can't say enough.'
She dives straight in. Explaining that 84% of women experience vaginal atrophy as they age. It's due to cellular death and it can lead to painful sex, burning sensations and infections. Malcolm says Myregyna cream and pills can revitalise cells – and she swears they work.
Maybe the New Zealand-made product contributes to Malcolm feeling more comfortable in her own skin than ever before. She has a partner she loves, two sons she's proud of, and a career catching its second wind. And she believes there's more to come.
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She calls this stage the final act of her play. One she wants to make the best yet.
She's named it: Oh my God, I am mortal.
'I haven't quite worked out how to articulate it but I think as your body gets older, the catch up that your mind has to do… it's to have a really visceral relationship with mortality.'
Standing up for what matters
At her sons' age (19 and 17), she says death was barely a concept. Now, it's a constant consideration. 'Like, maybe be grateful for every day more than you were. Maybe take a few more risks. I'm always thinking, how would I feel on my deathbed?'
Malcolm, protesting for Palestine. (Source: Supplied)
It's vital to her to stand up for what she believes in. One of the issues weighing heavily on her mind is the war in Gaza – she calls it 'one of the great moral catastrophes of the 21st century' –she says she'd be on the very first boat if an international group of artists were heading there to help. 'And I really mean that.'
Because more than anything, she wants her life to count. 'To be able to say I did and said all the right things, that I showed up and that I was honest. And maybe that's what the last stage of life is about – finding your own way to your own sense of the authentic.'