Woman Says She's Helping an Ex Who's Going Through a ‘Crisis' — at the ‘Expense' of Her Current Relationship
A woman claims her boyfriend is 'livid' because she is helping an ex who recently 'suffered a severe mental health crisis'
The woman says she and the friend 'briefly' dated almost a decade ago
She shared her story on Reddit, where the majority of commenters said they thought the woman's boyfriend was being unreasonableA woman says her partner is 'livid' because she's been helping out an ex in 'crisis' — and she's wondering who's in the wrong.
The 34-year-old detailed her story on the popular Reddit forum 'Am I the A------,' a place where users can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman said she has been dating her current partner, 'Tom,' for 'about eight years,' and they recently bought a home together.
The woman went on to explain that she has a friend, 'Alex,' whom she 'briefly' dated 'for about six months almost a decade ago' — though she said that it was 'more like a platonic, asexual companionship than a romantic relationship.'
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The issue?
The OP (original poster) said Alex recently 'suffered a severe mental health crisis.'
'He was involuntarily hospitalized, lost his job. He's disoriented, struggles with memory, and clearly needs support,' she added.
'I've been trying to help where I can, like helping him fill out job paperwork or apply for assistance because he has no one else here [in this country],' she continued.
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The OP went on to share that her partner is now 'absolutely livid' over the situation — despite the fact that she only sees Alex 'about once a month.'
'He's never liked Alex, and now he openly hates him,' she wrote. 'He's said hurtful things like, 'Are we supposed to wipe his a-- forever?' and has called him cruel names."
'I can't help but feel that he's leveraging this situation as an opportunity to make me choose between them … which feels pretty bad, to be honest,' the OP added.
The OP also said that while Tom 'demands transparency' about the current situation with Alex, he also 'blows up' when she shares details about what's happening. She additionally said that Tom refuses to go to couples counseling with her because he 'doesn't really seem to believe in therapy.'
"He accuses me of choosing [my friend] over him and says he feels like I'm not hearing his concerns,' she added.
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'So, AITA [am I the a------] for continuing to help my friend even though it's damaging my relationship?' the OP asked as she concluded her post.
The vast majority of commenters said they thought the OP was perfectly within her right to want to help her friend — and also suggested that she perhaps reconsider her relationship with her partner.
'NTA [not the a------],' one person said. 'Your partner's comments are uncalled for, and his refusal to go to therapy is a big red flag. He sounds very emotionally immature and more than a little insecure.'
'NTA,' agreed someone else. 'Lose the load and get rid of Tom. You sound like a good friend to Alex. Tom sounds like a terrible boyfriend.'
'Have you fully considered what this behavior says about your partner?' yet another commenter asked. 'Leaving aside the fact that he's coming across as jealous and controlling, he's coming across [as] incredibly callous and selfish.'
They added, 'Your friend is struggling alone, and your partner wants you to what? Forget that? Stop caring? He has zero concern for a fellow human who is important to you. Is that really someone you want to be with?'
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.
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