MIL Has an Outburst When She Can't Give Toddler Soda—Here's Why I Empathize With Her

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4 days ago

Here's one lesson I learned quickly after I agreed to let my in-laws be our daughter's primary caretakers while my partner and I worked in the first years of her life: Grandma's house, Grandma's rules. We were lucky: When we asked them to limit her sugar intake and avoid screen time, they dutifully listened—but yes, the occasional package of fruit snacks or episode of Paw Patrol slipped past our carefully erected boundaries. For the most part, we chose to not fight those battles—especially because we're getting all that child care for free.
Look, I know that's a hard pill to swallow, and I know that not everyone will agree. I see the other side of the coin, too: Parents should have the final say in what their kid eats, watches, and experiences. Personally, I never saw the harm in my daughter enjoying the occasional processed snack so I didn't intervene. But as I recently discovered on Reddit, not all parents take my un-intrusive stance.
On Reddit, a mom recounted a recent incident that quickly escalated: While attending a party, the mom in question hoped to keep her 19 month old child awake in order to maintain her regular nap and sleep schedule. Her mother-in-law offered her grandchild a carbonated lemonade flavored drink, the parents objected, and that's where the interaction really went off the trails.
'MIL then spouted off a tirade about how I was so bossy, strict and soda wasn't going to hurt her,' OP wrote. 'This went on until she eventually called me a bad mom …she then told my partner (of 12 years) that he should leave me as I would run their lives forever.'
This probably won't be a popular opinion either, but I have sympathy for the grandmother in the situation. Parenting advice has changed so much in even the last two decades that folks from older generations who raised seemingly healthy kids might feel left behind, embarrassed by their outdated opinions, or defensive of their own parenting choices.
Now, did she very clearly overreact? Yes, absolutely. But she probably genuinely didn't think it would harm her granddaughter at all, and felt attacked when her kids rejected what she considered a well-meaning idea.
At the end of the day, if you don't want your kid to have lemonade, that's your call, full stop. Parents shouldn't compromise the values they truly believe in even to appease the pushiest grandparent. And grandparents should accept that boundary with grace, even if it's not the choice they would make. 'You're the parent, you decide. End of discussion,' as one person put it in the comments.
But I also think, from my own first-hand experience, and from reading Reddit pretty much daily for this very job, that parents and grandparents often find themselves locked in a battle of wills, and the disrespect runs both ways.
One commenter wrote, 'I hope OP realizes it isn't about the drink, it's about control,' and that's spot on. Except that the parents themselves are fighting for control too, especially in those early years.
The thing is, in parenting control is an illusion. You try to keep out fruit snacks and lemonade for as long as you can and then one day a school friend introduces your kid to Roblox and Ed Sheeran and suddenly you're arguing with her about why she can't quit the soccer team.
So I understand why these parents latched on to the lemonade as a way to exert their sense of control over how they are raising their kid, while they still can. But it might benefit both parents and grandparents to adopt a more flexible, open-minded attitude and to perhaps choose more wisely when it comes to what battles are really worth fighting.
There's a good chance you and your kid will disagree for longer than you think about everything from what they eat to who they date. You might want to consider saving your energy.
Read the original article on Parents