NFL star opens up on fight with OCD that left him contemplating suicide
Smith, Indy's starting right tackle, revealed (via ESPN) that he'd been battling severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in the 2024 NFL season.
'I was just trying to be alive this time this year,' said Smith said - having previously revealed that he contemplated suicide.
'I wasn't thinking about anything. I just wanted to find joy in life and, for a while there, I didn't feel like I was ever going to find that again. So just being out here is just a plus for me.'
After missing the final five games of the Colts' season on the non-football illness list, Smith is back in training camp and is set to re-join Indianapolis' starting lineup.
Smith's condition was at one point so poor that his wife, Courtney, was forced to change the combination on the family's gun safe so he couldn't access any firearms.
His wife (left) was forced to change the combination of the safe where they kept their guns
To undergo further treatment, Smith revealed that he spent 48 days in a facility to treat his OCD where he received psychotherapy and medication - which generated mixed results.
It wasn't until a trip to Mexico where he received treatment with psychedelics that led to his breakthrough. He spent time in a 'sweat lodge' and had treatment using ibogaine, a plant-based psychoactive drug derived from a shrub native to Central Africa, and another psychedelic produced in the venom of some toads.
After taking the necessary time and steps to address his health, Smith returned to the team in the spring.
He revealed that he's been feeling healthier after dealing with a sore knee in previous seasons - and that he feels more present and focused.
'Last year, I was just kind of out there,' he said. 'I was going through the motions, but I didn't feel like that. It was that edge that players have, I didn't have that last year.
'I didn't feel that last year. This year, instead of obsessing over other things, I can obsess about my craft and turn a negative into a positive.'
With new starters at center and right guard, the Colts will benefit from Smith's return to the right side of the offensive line.
A second round pick out of Auburn in 2018, Smith was named to the PFWA's All-Rookie Team.
After receiving treatment, Smith is now in a better headspace and is ready to compete again
He's entering the final season of a four-year, $70million contract. Earlier this year, Smith re-structured his deal to lower his cap number and reduce his salary to $8million.
As for his future in the sport, the 29-year-old isn't rushing into any decisions.
'I just have a greater appreciation for things now,' he said. 'You take things for granted until those parts are kind of taken away from you and you don't realize how good you had it.
'And now I just have that greater appreciation just to be able to come out and play football, hang out with the guys and just every day is awesome.'
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