D.C. banned ‘redshirting' years ago. Here's why people are talking about it.
There was 'no problem, no questions asked,' she said about his school, Lafayette Elementary. So she did the same thing with her second son, whose birthday is Sept. 30.
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I wanted to be a young mom. I had my kids at 37 and 40, and I'm glad I waited.
When I was younger, I told myself that if I didn't have kids by 25, I wouldn't have them. All the women in my life had been young moms, and I wanted to be a young mom, too. I ended up having my kids at 37 and 40, and I now see the benefits of being an older parent. From the time I started playing with dolls, I wanted to have babies of my own. By the time I was 15, I knew I wanted to be a young mom. I told myself that if I didn't have babies by the age of 25, I wouldn't have children. When I was born, my father was a few weeks shy of his 25th birthday. By then, he already had a Ph.D. and a steady job as a college professor. My mother was 20 and a stay-at-home mom. Having children young and the roles they played in our family, as well as my father's professional stability, were not uncommon for their generation. My parents divorced when I was 5, and my younger sister and I were raised by my dad. Eventually, my father remarried to a woman who was only 10 years older than I am, and they had two more children; my stepmother was also in her early 20s when she had my brother and sister. My grandmother, who helped raise me, had also been a young mother. So to me, it made sense to follow in all these women's footsteps. Back the, being 30 sounded ancient to me. I didn't want a big generational gap between my children and me. Through most of my 20s, I was in a long-term relationship with a man 11 years my senior who had two kids of his own. He wasn't partial to having more children, but I was young and naive and, of course, I was sure I could change his mind. Instead, we broke up. Suddenly, I found myself single and childless in my early 30s. I dated around and had a few short-term relationships, but the desire to have babies did not wane one bit. At one point, I told my grandmother that I didn't care whether I adopted, did IVF, or got pregnant inadvertently. I wanted babies, and I wanted them now. Then I met a guy four years younger than me who seemed like a breath of fresh air — no ex-wives, no kids, no bitterness. My biological clock was not just ticking; it was ringing the alarm! So, a year late, we got married, and a year after that, we decided to try to conceive. It took a while, but I finally had my first baby just a few months shy of my 38th birthday. My second came when I was almost 41. Although both pregnancies were considered geriatric, I didn't feel I was "too old" during either pregnancy, and I was perfectly happy chasing toddlers in my 40s. Though 25 was my initial cut-off to have kids, I wouldn't have been ready by then. I had been battling bulimia for 10 years and was also suffering from bouts of depression. It took me another decade to sort myself out through therapy, 12-step groups, and medication. When I started trying to conceive, I was in the best shape of my life, and I took excellent care of myself during both pregnancies. Looking back, I feel I was a much more responsible and aware parent than I would have been in my 20s. My parents' divorce affected me deeply throughout my life. When I had to make my own tough call of filing for divorce, I did it with the utmost care, keeping our children in mind. I'm 61 now, and my children are 24 and 21. Although I am much older than they are, I feel the generational gap between us is smaller than what my father and I had. I realize now that he never really had time to be young, while it took me a long time to become a mature, conscious adult. My only regret is that I may not be around for my children when they're my age, while I still have my dad. He and I now enjoy a close relationship: we talk several times a week and spend quality time together when I come to visit. Then again, my grandmother lived to be 102, so who knows? Read the original article on Business Insider
Yahoo
an hour ago
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Man Breaks Up with Fiancée After Sudden Change of Heart Over Sharing a Last Name
A man on Reddit asks for the internet's opinions after his fiancée suddenly decides she no longer wants to share a last name with him once they get married He explains that growing up an orphan made him feel like he didn't belong in any of his foster families, and sharing one name with his future family is important to him In a follow-up post, he details her hurtful explanation as to why she won't share a last nameA man on Reddit is wondering if he's in the wrong for being upset his fiancée won't consider sharing the same last name after they tie the knot. In a post on Reddit's r/AmIOverreacting forum, the man explains that his fiancée recently made it clear she had no intentions of taking his last name after their wedding — and was also opposed to the idea of him taking hers. "At one point I jokingly said something to the effect of 'We'll see about that Future Mrs. (my last name)' and she visibly cringed," he writes in the post. "She told me she isn't going to be 'Mrs. (my last name)' and I said 'Okay, then I'll be Mr. (her last name)' because I don't really care if she takes my name or I take hers. I just want to share one. She said 'No, I'm keeping my name and you can keep yours.' " The 28-year-old poster then asked what last name their kids would have, to which she insisted they would carry her last name, since she's the mother. The man's fiancée also shot down his idea to hyphenate their last names. "For context, I grew up in foster care after both my parents died. I didn't have any other biological family so I was bounced around from home to home from the ages of 5-18, when I aged out," he explains. "I never felt welcome in any of those foster homes and never felt like I had a real family. I always swore I'd have a real family one day though," he continues. "So naturally I want to share a last name with my wife and our kids. I truly don't care what name. Mine, hers, a new one we both choose, it doesn't matter to me. I just want a real family that I feel connected to." He further explained he was a bit perplexed at her sudden change of heart, as she'd never expressed her disgust at the idea of sharing a last name during their three years of dating. Though he tried to approach the topic again, she said she "doesn't want to discuss it further," leaving him to question if it would be wrong to end their relationship over it. In a follow-up post, the user explains that he asked his fiancée to meet at a park to talk more, hoping to get some clarity. Unfortunately, it did not go well. "My friend was with me, but waited in my car so he wouldn't be spotted. But I did decide to turn on the voice recorder on my phone because in the past she's manipulated her telling of certain situations to make it seem like she's blameless," he starts the post. "I overlooked it before, because I thought she was just used to getting her way. Now I realize that was a mistake on my part." When the pair sat down to discuss the matter, he explained his reasoning for wanting to share the same last name, emphasizing his past familial relationships as the primary reason. In response, she "rolled her eyes" and explained she didn't want to share a last name because it's "so cringey." "I asked her to elaborate on that. She went into a whole rant about how she thinks it's cheesy when she meets a couple and they introduce themselves as 'The _____'s' and that it makes her want to throw up when she hears it, and so many other ways it makes her angry," he continues. "When I brought up the fact that her parents have the same last name because they're married, she said 'that's different' and I 'wouldn't understand because of being an orphan' which really threw me." He then asked his fiancée for some time to think things over, though he writes, "I know the relationship [is] over but I haven't made the break up official yet." "It's going to hurt for a long time, but I know what I need to do for my own mental health," he continues. "I can compromise on some things, but I can't be with someone who won't also compromise." In a final update a few days later, the poster confirmed that he "ended the engagement," which didn't go over very well with his fiancée, who bombarded his phone with hundreds of texts and calls. "She refuses to give the ring back because she thinks I'll 'come to my senses soon' and she'll keep it until then," he writes. "I don't even care. She can have it." "Her friends and family started calling me within 15 minutes of me ending things. I've blocked them all since they're being nasty to me and blaming me for it all," he adds. "Judging by what they're saying, it seems like she made up a story about me having a mental health crisis and wanting to be alone." The poster concluded by saying he is "emotionally exhausted" and "hopes she leaves [him] alone" so he "can heal from everything over time." Read the original article on People
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Couples Are Sharing The Simple But Effective Ways They Keep Their Marriage Strong, And It's Really, Really Sweet
We recently asked married members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the relationship "hacks" they use to keep their marriage healthy. Here's what they shared: 1."For the last 10 years, my husband and I have had a 'performance review' every December. We make it a fun night, go to our favorite restaurant, and enjoy a great meal with cocktails. We review our goals from the previous year and develop goals for the upcoming year. We even keep a notebook with all our 'feedback discussions', laugh at how silly some goals are, and celebrate each other when we achieve said goals. After 10 years, we have a lot to keep us entertained and more to celebrate. We even have a mid-year review to check on the status. We look forward to our 'discussions' and find they help bring fun and accountability to our relationship, keeping communication open. And yes, I'm an HR professional!" —Anonymous 2."We decided when we were first married that we would not be able to call each other curse words. I can't call him an a**hole, and he can't call me a b*tch. This forces us to use our words, and we end up describing how the other person is making us feel instead. So it sounds more like, 'You're making me feel like you don't care about my problem because it doesn't affect you, and I'm frustrated.' You also have to stop yourself in the middle of your rant to decide how to say something without cursing. It's very effective and usually resolves quickly because the other person can actually understand what you are trying to say." "We also kiss each other good morning and goodbye every day, no matter what. Having the last thing we said to each other every morning and night be an 'I love you' means that if tragedy strikes, then that will be the last thing we ever said to each other. Also, recognizing that we are a team and always on the same side helps. Did you mess something up? No worries, we've got this. We are a team! Married 22 happy years and wouldn't change a thing!" —Anonymous 3."Separate mattresses and separate blankets! Our mattresses are together on the same bed frame (XL Sleep Number twin mattresses together on a king frame), and separate blankets are a lifesaver! We even get two beds when we travel and stay in a hotel. Having our own space at night is wonderful. We've been married 15 years and will stay that way. If we ever got divorced, it would be because of the fight over the thermostat, hahaha 😄." —Anonymous 4."Separate bank accounts! There has to be a lot of trust involved, though. You and your partner have to be honest about any debt that you have, and be honest if there are any struggles. In our house, bills are split up based on income, so if one person makes more than the other, they pay a larger share of the monthly bills. We don't question each other's purchases, so there's no need to hide anything. Otherwise, there's no need to discuss." —Anonymous 5."Don't assume that they're annoyed at you and react just because their tone of voice is off or antagonistic. Check what may have happened in their day or what might've caused it first. You're their safe person, so they may feel safe expressing their emotions. It's not a personal attack! For example, a coworker has been pissing them off all day, but they've had to contain their frustration. If this translates to them being huffy around you, it's just leaking out because they don't have to hide it around you. You're the closest person to them, literally or figuratively. Figure out the 'why' first. ALWAYS figure out the 'why.' Communication will feel effortless, and there will be no arguments." —Anonymous 6."It took me over a decade to realize that the whole 'don't go to bed angry' thing is silly. Staying up late to ensure you are both OK makes for some tired, emotional fights that go round in circles and bring out the worst in both of you. Turn away from each other, just get some rest, and revisit the issue with the perspective of a good night's sleep. I used to be terrified that if I hadn't 'fixed' the problem before bed, then I was being rejected. After having it spelled out to me that my partner HATED losing half a night to 'talking it out,' I realized I could have faith that a good marriage can't be destroyed by one frosty evening." —Anonymous 7."We are about to celebrate a decade together, and it still feels like the love we created from day one. We NEVER call each other names when we're upset or angry, and don't give quips to try and hurt the other person's feelings. Communication solves so many problems, and realizing that you are a team instead of one versus the other is key. Be open and caring with your heart. However, I think one of the biggest things that has helped is words of affirmation. It may not be our preferred love language, but we constantly praise each other daily. I know how proud he is of me and how much he loves me because he always tells me. Shower your partner with their love language, and remind them how much you love them and why." —Anonymous 8."My husband and I try a variety of dates and try to go on at least two dates per month. We keep a list of possible dates to try based on the events available around us. For example, we live near a college campus that has cheap musicals and plays performances every few months, so that's a date we do regularly. There are also free concerts once a week in the summer in the park across the street. We also look for restaurants we haven't tried yet or discounted days at water parks, theme parks, mini golf, art studios, minor league baseball, etc. This keeps us excited for date nights because it's different each week. We don't fall into a routine and get bored." "Sure, we have places we love and go to a few times a year, but we mix it in with other new places and activities. We have the most fun out of all our friends in relationships because we still make time to bond together! And we've discovered new hobbies and activities we love and try to do when we have free time, because of our adventures, trying new things." —Anonymous 9."Thank each other for the little things, even the chores/household tasks you agreed that person would do. Thank them for it. We always thank each other for cooking, getting the groceries, doing laundry, etc. You never take each other and the work your partner does for granted. Make sure the other person feels seen and appreciated." —Anonymous 10."We always cook together — one does the protein and the other does the sides. It makes it more enjoyable to savor each other's dishes and not feel pressured to cook the whole meal. And the occasional dance around the kitchen while cooking together is a bonus." —Anonymous 11."No matter how angry you are, remind the other that you love them. Remember to talk it out after your emotions have calmed down a notch." —Anonymous 12."Hubby had heart surgery, and many nurses asked how we 'made it' 25 years. I let him answer because he was under some good drugs, haha, and he said, 'Take care of each other after surgery,' which was a great answer! We've both had three serious surgeries, and you have to have a lot of patience when you care for someone 24/7. The stay in the hospital was longer than anticipated, and I was lucky enough to stay every night. I was honored to care for him. Advocating for your loved one in the hospital is also really important. He didn't always know what medications he was given, and with the complications he had, he needed someone more often than usual." "Outside of surgery, it's really important to understand each other and take mental breaks. We've had some pretty intense life experiences, and there was always one of us who wanted our marriage to work. Sometimes you just need to hear the other person say it! Marriage can be hard work!" —Anonymous 13."After 18 years of marriage, we make sure to put each other first. We have a date night at least every one or two weeks. I think it's important to always say how you feel and have real conversations. You have to be willing to put in the work. Ask them how their day was. Let them know you missed them. Always make an effort." 14."Get a couples therapist to help you argue constructively and communicate better so you are always on the same team!" —Anonymous "Couples counseling before a problem arises. You'll learn how to disagree in a way that allows you to grow as a couple. It's helpful to take a look at your habits and way of thinking." —Anonymous 15."We introduced a third person. He is experienced at being with couples, hot af, and brings out the best in both of us. We've never been more connected. Who would have thought?" —Anonymous 16."Bathroom privacy. It becomes harder to feel sexual with someone you have witnessed popping, flossing, etc. But do talk about if the conversation is hard. We've been married 36 years." —Anonymous 17."We think of our marriage as a marathon. Not just the race itself, but the training (dealing with our past), the race (dealing with the present), and the after-party (planning for the future). It has helped us through seasons of struggle and keeps us committed to a common goal." —Anonymous 18."My husband and I agreed on our budget, and part of it includes a monthly 'allowance' for each of us that we can spend however we want, no questions asked (within reason). We've been successfully paying down medical debt for several years now, and neither of us feels deprived, because we still have some fun money." —Anonymous "Budgeting. Once a year, when we get a new budget book, we sit down and discuss our goals for the year. We usually set a few goals for that year in particular and some bigger ones for the future. Once a month, we check in and have a budget committee meeting to discuss where we are and what might need to change. It made such a huge difference for us. We are always on the same page financially, and it prevents a lot of fights. We saved enough to buy a house in our first year!" —Anonymous 19."Let the little stuff slide and stay committed to tackling the big stuff together. You're going to forget the little things anyway. Communicate frequently and never go to bed angry at each other." —Anonymous 20."My husband and I were married when he was 40 and I was 49. Neither of us had been married before, and it was HARD to give up some of the agency we were used to having after being single for so long. It saved us once we finally learned to take a beat and ask ourselves if a situation where we disagreed was worth making an issue over. We're coming up on our 13th anniversary, and life is lovely." —Anonymous "Everyone will tell you to keep going out on dates, which is great advice. But the key to this is that one person needs to plan everything about the date, and the other person doesn't have to (or get to) research what to do or make any decisions. Maybe they don't even know where you're going. We take turns being 'date boss,' and it preserves the aspect of our early dates that made them feel like a gift from the other person. Planning a good date takes work. You must know the other person and what's happening around town. It's not fun to go back and forth with, 'Whadda you wanna do?' Someone else surprising me with a restaurant choice feels cute, even if I've been there before. It doesn't have to be big or fancy. We only have one or two dates a month, but they still feel exciting and romantic after 15 years together." —Anonymous What tips, tricks, or hacks do you employ to keep your marriage strong? Care to share with the rest of us? Tell us your secret to a successful marriage in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
