Why Turning 40 Looks Different for Millennials

Elle

16-07-2025

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When Anne Hathaway was cast as a 40-year-old mom in The Idea of You, there was backlash online. Surprisingly, it wasn't about the sexy storyline, in which she romances a younger male pop star. Instead, armchair commentators on Reddit said that she 'looked like a teenage girl' and seemed too young for the role. The Cut noted that her portrayal 'suggests a sophisticate in her early 30s at best.' And it's true—Hathaway looks young enough to get ID'd at a liquor store. But at the time of filming, she was also the same age as her character.
As a millennial myself, it's especially unnerving to witness the The Princess Diaries star turn 40—but it's not just Hathaway who is throwing everyone off. As millennials reach so-called middle age, no one seems to be looking or 'acting' their age anymore. For this generation, born between 1981 and 1996, the phrase 'age is just a number' isn't a form of self-soothing. It might actually be true.
We are used to being scrutinized. For decades now, millennial behaviors have been well-documented and mocked. We're the avocado toast-pilled, girl boss-ified, American Apparel-wearing, BuzzFeed-quiz-taking, side-part-sporting generation. As the first generation that grew up with the internet, our every move has been dissected to forecast trends and analyze the state of the culture at large. All this attention made our approach to aging and beauty uniquely influential.
For other generations, turning 40 often served as a trope for midlife crises or 'life ends here' jabs in movies and TV. Miranda Hobbes bemoaned 43 as her 'scary age' in Sex and the City (Carrie Bradshaw's—for the record—was 45). In This Is 40, Gen Xers Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd are at a standstill in their lives and marriage. But now, as millennials reach the milestone, they're proving that this generation might actually be the first to push beyond aging stereotypes.
'There really is some truth to the idea that 40 is the new 30,' says Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State University and the author of Generation Me and the upcoming 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World. For many millennials, 40 doesn't feel like the midpoint of our life. 'They may anticipate longer lifespans, and more healthy years to enjoy,' says Anne Barrett, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Florida State University.
Twenge points out that millennials tend to be much less settled than previous generations, at least by traditional standards. Once, 40 was the age when your career was established, you'd been married for a long time, and your kids might be heading to college. According to Census data, in 1960, American women's median age at first marriage was around 20; today it's 28. In 2023, a Pew report found that a record number of 40-year-olds—25 percent—had never been married. Census data also shows that the number of women between 30 and 44 who have never had children is at a record high.
Millennials aren't just figuring themselves out—they're holding onto their youthful looks, helped by a more open attitude toward beauty interventions. David Kim, M.D., a millennial dermatologist in New York City, calls us the 'Kardashian generation'—the first to witness the power of in-office treatments through influencers like Kim and Khloé, who actually admitted to getting them. When millennials came of age, he says, 'there was a huge spike in interest in cosmetic treatments and people being more curious about lasers and Botox and fillers.' Kim shares that openness to cosmetic treatments has helped millennials remain ageless into their fourth decade.
Our generation proves that you can care about beauty and still be a serious person, and that beauty can be an empowering form of self-expression, too. Women like Emily Weiss of Glossier and Sophia Amoruso of Nasty Gal made a business out of celebrating individuality through beauty. 'We grew up in an age [when branding] encouraged being different, being you, and self-discovery,' Kim adds. Millennial beauty brands like Jen Atkin's Ouai, Milk Makeup, and ColourPop strike the perfect balance between accessible and playful.
Some of us may have lived through more 'unprecedented times' than we would choose to, but we were also a generation raised on hope—we lived through Y2K and were thought of (or maybe thought of ourselves) as being a beacon of light for the new millennium. 'As teens and as young adults, millennials were more optimistic and had higher expectations than previous generations at the same age,' Twenge says. Perhaps hope is the secret sauce that you'll never find listed in your skin care ingredients.
That hope, and need for self-expression, have shaped how millennials think about fashion, too. Take millennial pink, a term coined by ELLE's own fashion features director Véronique Hyland that ended up defining a generation of professional women. 'Around the time of the 'girl boss' era, you'd see women in pale pink suits—an intentional shade choice,' she says. 'The idea was that if you integrated yourself into the male-dominated power structure and brought a bit of femininity and your own flair, you could seamlessly fit into that existing system.' There was a softness to millennial pink. Now, Gen Z has Brat green, which Hyland says feels like the antithesis. 'It is intentionally sort of ugly,' she adds. 'It doesn't have this softness.' Brat green is jarring—it's a color that represents Gen Z's frankness and in-your-face attitudes, while millennials broke barriers more gently.
Notably, millennials were also the first generation to put themselves out there on the internet, their MySpace and Tumblr experiments growing into the creator economy that exists today. In 2025, 84 percent of millennials say that user-generated content influences their beauty buying decisions, according to brand strategy consulting firm DCDX. The popularity of viral brands like Rhode, Rare Beauty, and Charlotte Tilbury shows that—even on the cusp of 40—millennials are using social media as a guide just as much as their Gen Z counterparts.
Even as markers of success like home ownership elude them, research shows that many millennials continue to feel hopeful about the future. In a Deloitte survey, over 50 percent of them said they feel optimistic in their ability to make positive changes in the world around them, such as improving mental health awareness and access to education. Kim thinks that the generation's approach to aging also reflects their overall positivity. 'Millennials are happy looking—a little bit fresher, and brighter,' he says of his patients. 'They're very comfortable in their own skin, and they're not nitpicking everything about their hair, skin, or teeth that they don't like about themselves. They're very balanced. They really do embrace who they are.'
As we enter our fourth decade, millennials are still exploring who they are—only now, there's less millennial pink, and American Apparel is firmly in the rearview. In 2025, turning 40 is not a midlife crisis. Rather, it's a time for reinvention (one survey showed that more than one in 10 millennials planned to quit their job for greener pastures in 2025). It's time to rethink cultural norms. And if you ask Hathaway, it's also time for really, mystifyingly good skin.