My ex never wanted to get married — when we broke up, he got engaged

Metro

11-07-2025

'My ex of four years told me he never wanted to get married.'
Leaving her iPhone on a curb while she films an outfit check for a TikTok, Kendra reveals that shortly after they called it quits, her anti-marriage ex ended up getting engaged to the girl she was always 'suspicious' about.
A similar story is being played out in Lena Dunham's new Netflix series, Too Much. Starring Megan Stalter and Will Sharpe, the main character, Jessica, sees her seven-year relationship end after her boyfriend refuses to commit. Marriage just isn't his thing – or so she thought.
Naturally, a few months later, he's engaged to influencer Wendy Jones, played by Emily Ratajkowski.
The scenario feels especially cruel. A romance ends because your partner wants different things to you – only you soon find out that your desires were aligned, they just wanted that future with someone else.
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Others have taken to the internet to share similar experiences. On Reddit, @ForeverNomad16 shared how she split with her fiancé after a nine-year engagement. 'He admitted he never wanted to get married and only proposed out of the fear of losing me,' she explains.
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But, she later found out that he had, in fact, got hitched. 'Why couldn't he commit to me?' she asked Reddit.
In 2004, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, part of the writing team behind Sex and The City, penned their own book, He's Just Not That Into You. The now-famous relationship bible theorised that any man who insists that they have 'issues' with marriage would, one day, end up married. Just not to you.
'Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has 'issues' with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married,' the pair explain.
'It just will never be with you. Because he's not really saying he doesn't want to get married. He's saying he doesn't want to get married to you .'
The same idea ended up on-screen in Sex and The City, with Miranda Hobbes presenting the 'cab light theory.'
When he's not ready to settle down, his taxi light is off – but all of a sudden, it'll switch right on, available for whichever woman he happens to be with at that time. And if it's not you, that's too bad. In Miranda's view, it's 'not fate, it's dumb luck.'
Of course, marriage isn't for everyone. For some, it's a heteronormative, sexist institution – and you can, of course, love someone deeply without saying 'I do'.
But if they've been telling you it's a no-no, only for you to split up and spot their wedding snaps on Instagram, how are you meant to make sense of it all?
It's never an easy pill to swallow seeing your ex move on so quickly – least of all get engaged when it's the one thing they were never able to give you. You might blame yourself or wonder whether their new partner has something that you don't.
But as Lovehoney's sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight says, the truth is that tying the knot with someone who isn't you, is never about you.
'It's more about timing, maturity, and their own internal journey. People change, and sometimes a breakup forces them to re-evaluate what they want in life,' she shares. More Trending
'It doesn't mean your relationship was meaningless – it means something for where they were at the time. Take it as a sign to be with someone who matches your values and life goals now , not someone you have to convince to grow with you.'
And what happens if you're in a relationship, and you're worried that the cab light theory might play out with you in the future? Happn's dating expert Claire Rénier says you need to be open not just with them, but with yourself, too.
'Have open conversations, think about what you want from the relationship and life in general, as well as whether your goals and ambitions align,' she tells Metro.
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'This will make it easier to understand where you both sit, and if you're still feeling unheard, it might be time to take control of your own narrative.'
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